A Rose By Any Other Name
Would Smell As Sweet...
-Wm Shakespeare

Former Wyoming Senator Alan Simpson got himself in trouble for saying Social Security was like a cow with 300 million tits.

No, they did not object to the reference that the program was indicative of a nanny state. They did not seem to resent his inference that millions were being sustained at the public trough.

They were mad because he used the word "tits".

Raised on a dairy farm, I spent many morning (and afternoon) hours on a three-legged stool pulling on cows tits, filling a bucket with warm milk. And tits is exactly what we called them. It was a nasty job sometimes, especially in rainy weather when the cow had been lying in a muddy barnyard. And when she slapped you up the side of the head with a cockle burr-filled tail.

Even my patient, tolerant wife was offended by Simpson's remark. Said the word tits was degrading. Even if Simpson was talking about a cow.

Now, wait a minute!

I see quail hens lead their chicks to our back yard to scratch in the dirt for seeds we spread for them. Robins and other birds pluck a worm or a wiggling bug from the grass and carry it back to their nest to cram it, alive and dirty, down a gaping throat. A hawk kills a mouse and tears the tiny creature apart to stuff pieces of raw meat into the beaks of her young. Other creatures, like sea turtles, lay their eggs in the sand and swim away leaving hatchlings to fend for themselves.

But not mammals! From the body of the mammal mother comes a clean, precious, complete food... untouched by hands, hoofs or paws, fed directly into the mouth of her offspring, snuggled warmly against its mother's loving body! In addition to nourishment, and unlike the bird's germ laden bug or diseased mouse, mother's milk also imparts her immunities, protecting her offspring! How fantastic is that?

Degrade mammary glands? Impossible! An entire class of creatures are named for them. We (humans, at least) are not named for our five-toed feet, our opposing thumbs or any other physical feature... we are mammals... named for those miraculous mammary glands.

What an incredible possession for any mammal mother... be it a cow, a doe, a sow... or a human! And, in the case of the latter, those breasts are also alluring, a thing of beauty, proudly displayed to accentuate femininity!

As a child we chanted. "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never harm me". So call them breasts or boobs, tits or teats, jugs or hooters - doesn't matter. Nothing can degrade this miracle of mammalian life.